The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
