I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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