After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize