He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
