He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
