i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
