I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
