Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
