she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize