It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
