Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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