i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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