I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
