i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
