What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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