so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
