YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
