here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
