I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
