Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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