Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
