The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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