Do you still have your period?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
