Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
