Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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