How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
