I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize