If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
