i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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