sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we made out on top of his cat.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
