so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
