This is not my ceiling
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
