I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
