I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How external is "for external use only"?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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