they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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