The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
