Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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