never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
