you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
