you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
