You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
