So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When are your genitals available?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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