just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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