Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
