Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
