How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
