I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
