Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
