did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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