My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize