I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
