you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
