a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
