he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
