I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your cock deserves a montage
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
