just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
