well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this hospital has no fireball
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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