sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
