Is it because I queefed?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
