sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
