TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
