you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
