I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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