I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize