he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize