i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
