Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
