So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize