That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize