During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
