how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize