dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
