the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
