The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize