We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
