sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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