And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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