See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
