Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
