i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize